Staying Faithful to Her Vows
Everyone told her to leave him. He was having an affair. He never helped her with the children. When he was home, he would just be on the Internet. They fought often and she was miserable. She came to me and told me what a horrible husband he has been to her. I began mentoring her.
One day, I went over to her home. It was lovely. Her husband provided a good living and she was able to stay home full-time with her children. I asked her if she had any family around and she said she didn’t. I encouraged her to count the cost if she divorced him which is why I advised to hire an expert like someone from the family lawyers Melbourne firm. Her children wouldn’t have a father in their life, she would probably have to work full-time, and where would she live?
Every time I mentored her, she would continually criticize him. I kept trying to keep her focus on her and her behavior. She admitted that sometimes he would come home and want her to watch something funny on the Internet with him and she would just tell him how stupid it was. She was always angry with him.
Men’s sins are usually apparent. He’s having an affair. Women can hide their sins. She was disrespectful and always angry with him. She stuck it out. Yes, it was difficult but she realized her alternatives were not any better.
He began going to church with her. He started going to a Bible study. He stopped having the affair but she was still angry with him all the time. He was turning his life around but she was having a hard time controlling her tongue but her desire was to be a godly woman.
They recently had to move across the country. She is homeschooling her oldest daughter and she wrote me this text, “Jim {name changed} is helping out more! Thank God! He takes her to the ice rink five times a week and makes her breakfast!!! AND!!! He helps her with her dog!!! Grateful! And speechless! Only God.” She stayed faithful to her vows, even when he didn’t, and she is beginning to reap beautiful fruit. Only God.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9
MORE Marriage Advice:
- How Arrogance Destroys Marriage
- Not Happy in Your Marriage?
- Stop Arguing and Start Smiling
- How to Stop Arguing
- Becoming a Joyful Wife
- Are You a Vow Keeper?
- Staying in a Miserable Marriage
- Creating a Peaceful Marriage
- Loving Through Imperfection in Marriage
- How Expectations Kill Marriages
- The Line Between Being his Mother and Being His Wife
Sometimes it’s best to stay together, sometimes not. The best things for kids is a happy stable home. Children are unhappy in homes where parents dislike each other. You can’t force yourself to love someone or to forgive someone. I am sure that affair will always be in the back of her mind.
My parents didn’t like eachother, Olivia, and fought all the time. I am now 56 years old and SO happy they stuck it out! They are very happy together now at 84 and both are so happy they stuck it out also. Children want and need a mother and father. Love is not a feeling, it is about a commitment and we are called to forgive others. Yes, I’m sure there are scars from the affair but I know many marriages who stuck it out through affairs and are happier now than ever before. Our vows were for sickness and in health, good times and bad times until death do us part. We are always blessed by doing the right thing, even if it is the hard thing.
Interesting, thank you.
My experience was the opposite. I hated all the fighting. It disrupted my life in so many ways. I desperately wanted my parents to divorce. I was so happy when they did. They BOTH seemed happier.
Believe me, my mother smiled all the time, and did everything her husband wanted. Actually, she didn’t even “fight” with him. He did all the fighting–an angry person. I think your advice may help some marriages, but not all.
My view is that if the husband is having an affair, he has broken the covenant of marriage. I’d never want my daughter to stay in a marriage like that–puts her at risk for disease, if nothing else!
Blessings to you!
I teach from a biblical perspective, Olivia, not what makes people happiest. We are called to remain faithful and forgive even when our spouse is unfaithful, just as the Lord remains faithful to us and forgives us even when we are unfaithful to Him. Because she remained faithful to her vows, her husband has a personal relationship with the Lord and all those around her see the power of a transformed life. She was willing to deny herself and her happiness for her children and the sake of her husband. Her rewards will be great in heaven!