You’re Just Not Happy Anymore in Your Marriage?
There are SO many times I hear women give this reason for leaving and divorcing their husbands; they just aren’t happy anymore. I just heard Jennifer Lopez say this on the Today Show about her marriage. They just weren’t happy together anymore so they decided to call it quits, even though they had two children together.
What about the children’s happiness? Don’t you think their welfare should be taken into consideration? Will they be happier if they don’t get to live with their mother and father? {Divorce is devastating for children.}
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Many women say they just don’t love their husbands anymore, as if love was a feeling that comes and goes. Would you leave your children because you didn’t “feel” like you loved them anymore? Do you know that love is not a feeling but a choice and a commitment? It is even more than that, it is a command given to us by God to love others.
If you don’t “feel” in love with your husband anymore, can I offer you a challenge to love him anyways in obedience to God? Even though you don’t feel love, treat him like you love him and the feelings will most likely follow. Never base your actions upon your feelings. Base them on doing what is right in obedience to God. Being happy and joyful comes from doing what is right and what is best for others, not what feels good.
We are to love God. There are no feelings involved in loving God. Sure, once in a while you will get emotional and feel great joy in your love for God but mostly it is a commitment to love Him by obeying Him.
His greatest commandment to us is to love Him and love others. That “others” most definitely includes that husband you have promised to love and cherish until the day that you die. Be rebellious and be a vow keeper! Keep your commitments that you made to him on your wedding day: for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poor. So love on him. You do things God’s ways and you will reap His blessings. You do things man’s ways and you will reap man’s blessings. God’s blessings are far superior and lasting than man’s blessings.
My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. I John 3:18
I’ve been married for 16 years, and I certainly am not “happy” every day – but I wouldn’t blame those unhappy days on my husband! Usually, it’s something going on with ME – stress, work, hormones, not following my goals – and I take time to evaluate WHY I’m not happy and what needs to change. Sure, husbands may be less attentive at times (mine is usually pretty wonderful though – certainly blessed there) – but that’s when you have to sit down and talk it out. Marriage is hard work – and a daily decision to love the person you’re with – at least from what I’ve experienced. It seems like some people go into marriage as a “let’s see if we like THIS” trial – and then when things get tough, decide that’s enough of the experiment. I’m not saying there aren’t valid reasons for divorce (abuse, etc.), but sometimes, couples just don’t WANT to work things out – they’d rather just go get their freedom (or whatever they think is lacking from their marriage) and move on. I’m always sorry to see couples with kids split up – and some cases it may truly be better for the kids – but I’m sure God is sad to see the attitudes towards marriage today. I can only be responsible for one marriage – the one I’m in – so I work at it and pray for wisdom and guidance!
Very few marriages would break apart if more women had attitudes like yours, Giant Sis. I just read this on Facebook and thought it was so appropriate for this post and your comment, “Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ” (Philippians 1:27). Are you conducting yourself within your marriage, within your home, and outside of your home “in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ”? No matter what your spouse does, it doesn’t give you a license to say or do that which is wrong. Continually seek to reveal and reflect the heart of Christ within your marriage.”
Crystal, I have been part of a women’s prayer group over the years that God Himself put together. I won’t go through the long story but all of us had marriages in “critical condition”. The way our husbands were behaving, we had a Biblical right to divorce but God put it on each of our hearts to stand in prayer for our marriages. It was a long commitment to pray and we have many miracles to show for it, including the healing of my own marriage after 11 years of praying.
I can say that praying FOR your husband and caring for him as if you were happy and felt love is the way to go. The true feelings will follow. Women who are in danger from an abusive husband may have to do it from afar but women who just aren’t feeling it anymore will find that prayer and loving-kindness will bring results.
My Bible Study leader’s husband was having an affair years ago. She decided she was going to win him back. She even remembers washing his car with him and waving to him as he drove off to be with his mistress. He finally came back to her but it took 5 years to apologize. Later, they became a powerful couple in our church mentoring to young couples! God can absolutely take ashes and turn them into beauty. I just read this quote today, ” You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.” It is so easy to forget the long-term purpose for marriage but you are so right, Sinea, prayer and loving in the midst of pain accomplishes great gain.
Great article! Pinned and tweeted. Lou Lou Girls