No Dress Rehersal and The Woman You Were Meant to Be
‘You’ve probably heard the expression ‘life’s not a dress
rehearsal’. Unfortunately, many of us unconsciously act as if it were. Perhaps you save the pretty china for when company comes; perhaps you’re like me and rarely dress up when you’re home alone. If you’re not playing to an audience, does it really matter?
That’s a good question to ask ourselves as the New Year begins and we examine the quality of our life journey. It does take more effort to set an inviting table, but it enhances our enjoyment of eating. We all feel better when we take those few extra minutes to fix our hair and put on makeup, but what’s more, we act different.
None of us can expect to perform every minute of our lives. But a lot of us might tap into the power, excitement, and glory of Real Life more frequently if we cast ourselves as the leading ladies in our own lives.
You are washing your face, and suddenly you do not recognize the woman staring back at you. ‘Who is this?’ you ask the mirror on the wall. No reply. She looks vaguely familiar but bears little resemblance to the woman you were expecting to see there. But what is wrong? What is the sadness we can not name? Here is a question that deserves long meditation. Perhaps the heart of our melancholy is that we miss the woman we were meant to be. We miss our authentic selves. But the good news is that even if you have ignored her overtures for decades (‘Wear red…cut your hair…study art in Paris…learn the tango…’), your authentic self has not abandoned you.
Listen to the whispers of your heart. Look within. Your silent companion has lit lanterns of love to illuminate the path of
Wholeness. At long last, the journey you were destined to take has begun.’ – Sarah Ban Breathnach
Is Ms. Sarah Ban Breathnach a fly on my wall? Is she looking into my life right now? Oh my goodness this is everything I needed to hear.
Why do Mom’s do this to themselves? We put ourselves last, last, last. The very end of the list.
For starters, I know I live my life like it is a dress rehearsal. I always think… there will be another chance, no need to sweat it now. I am really bad about that. Precisely why I have so few pictures of little Matthew. The living room is always too messy with kids toys to capture the moments on camera of Matthew doing his cute little milestones. How pathetic is that? I see cute outfits for the kids, but I think…. I’ll wait because it is sure to go on sale. It’s finally on sale and nothing is left in their size. And I only would have saved $4.00. Why didn’t I just buy it last week? I am so bad about saying oh, next Christmas I’ll start buying gifts earlier. When Matthew starts school I’ll join a health club. Next summer we will take a vacation. Next year we will host Christmas. When the kids are bigger I will keep my car clean(er). When the little kids start school I’ll be able to keep the house more organized. Maybe soon I will take that cake decorating course at the craft store. Someday I will have matching dinner plates. When I have more time I will start my own business. This list could go on and on.
And I’ve had that moment. The one where you look in the mirror and you have no idea who the person is starring back at you. I shared that experience with you in November.
I have been home with my kids for almost four years. I was completely unprepared how lost I would become. How Mommy’s really move to the very back burner and life truly becomes so overwhelming. I was not prepared for the level of demand that would be placed on me. Here I was so excited about having these cute little twins, dressing them alike everyday, participating in mommy groups and play dates, trips to the zoo and the park. The moment they were born and placed in my arms, I knew I had not idea what I was in for. Luke never stopped crying. He is almost four and is still a whiner. Rarely do their outfits match, usually I am just happy to find clean clothes. This last fall is when I finally became organized enough just to make our way to the park on a regular basis. Still not a member of a mommy group, but you know what? My boys love me no matter what.
I’ll listen to the whispers in my heart.
I will look within.
In 2010 I will learn to dance in the rain.