Are Wives Supposed to Obey Their Husbands?

Sharing is caring!

Some of you have gotten VERY upset when you found out that I teach women to obey their husbands. Most women feel repulsion to this message. I teach Christian women who desire to obey God and His Word, because the Bible commands that older women teach young women to love and obey their husbands {Titus 2:3, 4}. God created women in the first place to be a help meet to their husband {Genesis 2:18}. Recently I shared a post of all of the verses that God wrote about a wife’s relationship to her husband.

In every institution, there is a leader. We have a President as our leader in America. There are Governors as leaders over every state. There are Mayors over every city: police chiefs over policemen, teachers over students, employers over employees, parents over children, etc. Why would it be ANY different in marriage?

Are Wives Supposed to Obey Their Husbands

Two leaders never work. Many Christians believe in ‘mutual submission.’ The Bible never commands that a husband submit to his wife. As women that I mentor understand this principle, their marriages become healed. There is no more arguing and fighting since there is only one leader in their home. Yes, please voice your opinions and desires to your husband but then allow him to lead and decide.

Most women are repulsed at the idea that they have to listen to anybody or that anyone would tell them what to do, YET many go to work every day and listen to and obey their boss. Their boss is not their husband who they promised to love all the days of their life through good times and bad times, through sickness and health. They easily obey their boss who doesn’t love them and hasn’t committed his life to them, yet they are repulsed by hearing they should obey their husbands who have committed their lives to them. Out of all the men in the world, THEY have chosen to marry this one man, their husband, and live with him until death do they part.

Your goal should be to have a peaceful home. Children thrive in a peaceful home where love and kindness abound. A house divided falls but a home united stands. When a wife truly loves her husband and desires to please him by obeying him, there is peace. What makes your husband happy? What are his favorite foods? How does he like you to keep up your home? What does he like to do in his free time? What does he like you to wear?

I challenge you women to begin being a help meet to your husband. As I have written before, begin smiling at him and treating him with the respect and kindness he deserves as your husband. Stop arguing with him and allow him to lead. This is the way God intended marriages to function and since He created us and marriage, He definitely knows the best way for marriages to thrive.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church..

Ephesians 5:23

MORE Marriage Advice:


  1. Janie Theren says:

    Who are you to teach anything? What are your credentials? Being an older housewife is not a credential.

    1. Janie,

      I am 56 years old. I have been married 34 years. I have raised 4 children who all walk with Jesus and have married spouses who love the Lord. I have mentored women for over 10 years. I have mentored women whose husbands were having affairs, addicted to porn and many marriages who were on the verge of divorce. Not one of these marriages have ended in divorce. God COMMANDS older women to teach young women to love and obey their husbands. I fit God’s qualification; an “older woman.” I have loved Him my whole life and I love giving women hope of saving their marriages.

      Bless you!

      1. You mean that if you let your husband have his way, there will be peace. Well of course, a child would be happy if he/she got her way in all things.

        1. If the husband is to have his way. It should be the way according to God and Jesus

      2. Amen
        Thanks. Very much needed. Resl wise women would love to be taught by you

        1. Patricia Duncan says:

          I don’t care what religion one follows but I do believe women should be odedient and submissive wives to be guided by their husband in all things. A loving guiding hand keep women happy and secure. Too many women fall into disgrace without a man to keep her in hand and on the right path. I honestly believe that women should always be under some type of male authority and are subject to that same authority, from father, brother to husband etc.

          1. Amen

      3. You seem anti-divorce based on your comment on advising women about their relationships with cheating and porn-addicted husbands. That alone tells me you certainly are not qualified to be advising people. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how many years you’ve been married. The length of a marriage says nothing about its quality. The fact that you encourage women to stay married to men who so horribly disrespect them and also tell them they need to be obedient to them is, in my opinion, way out of line. You are not a certified counselor or a theologian. Your marriage has worked for you and your husband, but that doesn’t make it a blueprint for everyone else. I know many women who don’t obey their husbands and they have terrific marriages. You are an expert on YOUR marriage, but not on marriage in general.

        1. She helped people save their marriages. I’m pretty sure that’s what they wanted. If someone wants to get a divorce you’re not going to stop them if they’re mind is made up and they are determined to do so. Tell people in third world countries that they need to go to certified counselors for marital help. They won’t understand what your talking about.

      4. Specifically the Bible uses the Hebrew word shma. Sometimes translated as hear but other times translated as obey, shma means to hear and respond with appropriate action – as in passages where God is said to shma his people or a wife is commanded to shma their husband.

        This is not a commandment to blindly follow, but rather a commandment designed to empower women.

      5. Ok I understand that Bob is not my promised even tho he’s saved he yells at me for stupid stuff I can’t leave wish I could. I feel like I’m his personal slave I wish he’d beat me in that case his happiness is saying I don’t have a right to say or enjoy anything he has rights to be happy in what I wear what to keep house etc I don’t have any rights I’m his slave period bind me in chainsaw and beat me if that’s the case. God’s blessing is rich but this marriage I’m in causes sorrow I wish I was dead sorry

        1. Erica, please, please reach out to a friend or close family member and get help. It is not God’s will that you suffer like this!

    2. Uuum, how is being an “older housewife” NOT a credential? How can you do anything for 20, 30, 50 years and not have something of truth and value to teach others? Think about it

      1. An old whore cannot teach a young woman to be a lady. Marrying a whore does make her “Decent” it just means your wife is a whore. Being a slave to an earthly man who treats you like a prostitute that he orders to work for his satisfaction and not for God’s is not a husband, he is a pimp. Therefore shall a man leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife and the TWO shall become ONE. Husband and Wives submit unto each other only. A marriage is not a master slave relationship. God said “come unto me and I will give you rest”. It does not require women to worship their husbands nor does is say that you are exempt from God’s wrath because you chose to follow the lead of your husband. Study and show THYSELF. NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND STUDY AND TELL YOU. A husband as a protector and provider is not a master but a partner, each with different roles in a marriage.

        1. I don’t understand why this is your response. The article doesn’t dismiss the husband’s responsibilities it just reinforces what a woman is called to do. If you know someone who is being forced to be a whore please call the police.

        2. Jesus showed tender respect for prostitutes. These days there are still lots of women around the world tricked into the trade and into miserable lives. People and governments continue to allow evil men to flourish and prosper with their terrible deeds. ‘Evil prevails when good men do nothing’

    3. Michael Baggett says:

      For on thing she is teaching the absolute truth! The Bible itself is “qualified.”

    4. Ok yes plz voice your opinions? Really if he must lead and decide then the way I feel is since he has all right to agree and have his say but our opinions are rejected daily y should we say anything he has rights we don’t cause he can disagree with all so y should we express our desires opinions at all y so he can disagree no I’d rather just obey and not have a say at all

  2. Joyce Mlinek says:

    God bless you for teaching the Word of God. God is your authority. That’s all you need. The Word of God will not return void but will accomplish what God sent it out to do. Just put it out there. A sister in Christ.

    1. You are SO right, Joyce! His Word is all we need. I encourage women wherever they are in their journey to becoming godly and submissive help meets to their husbands to speak Truth to other women even if they don’t do it perfectly. Becoming a godly wife is a journey. It doesn’t happen overnight. When we fail, we apologize immediately and continue on the journey. No one will ever be perfect but it should NEVER prevent us from speaking words of life and Truth to others!

  3. Gwen Malloy says:

    You say “most women are repulsed.. . .” Can you really speak for “most women”? No offense, but how can you possibly know what most women think? Are you just speaking of the women of your acquaintance, perhaps?

    1. I have been mentoring women for over 10 years on this topic. I have a blog where I have been teaching this topic for 4 years. I get MANY comments from women who are repulsed whenever I write on this topic. Ask Crystal how many comments she has received since she’s been publishing posts by me on this topic from women who are repulsed. Neither of us publish many of them since they are usually very mean and unproductive. I love when I find women with soft and teachable hearts who love to learn God’s ways but it is definitely a minority of women, unfortunately.

      1. Gwen Malloy says:

        Is it possible that only women who disagree with you bother to write to you?

        Honestly, you really can’t speak for “most women” in the US or the world. You can say “most of the women who write to me. . .” That would be more accurate.

        It sounds like many women of your acquaintance do not like submission. Perhaps your family and friends disagree with you on this subject? Maybe your kids or in-laws? That doesn’t mean “most women” feel this way.

        1. Do you like it, Gwen? Are you submissive and obedient to your husband? If you are, it is wonderful. I am not sure why you are being so contentious about this one part in my post. I am speaking from my experience and I don’t think there would be so many verses in Proverbs about a quarreling and contentious wife if God didn’t see it as a problem.

          1. I have found many more women who would disagree with our stance on submission than those who do, both in Christian circles and in the world, therefore I don’t see anything wrong with your statement.

            I would expect this from those without Christ, but I am often surprised at the number of women “in the church” who don’t believe this aspect of God’s Word.

            May we all live lives that bring Him the glory!

        2. Marcia Giga says:

          Gwen, now you’re just not-picking. People reading this pretty much know what she meant.

  4. You make an excellent point here! Many women have no trouble submitting to other men, but object to submitting to their husbands.

    If we want to obey God, we must learn to submit to our husbands. Husbands, in turn, are supposed to submit to Christ and love their wives the way Christ loves us. In light of this, we should have no reason not to want to submit to those who care for us.

    Thanks for sharing! Blessings to you and yours.

  5. Elaine Schlemmer says:

    I do agree with most of what you have written, but I had to stop and think about the part where you mention that God never commands a man to obey his wife. I am most positive that God told us to submit to ONE ANOTHER– and He was speaking to a man and his wife. I know that God has told us, as wives, to obey and submit in more than one place and it may be different, but He did tell a married couple to submit to one another. I have a question… What about the many, many women who are being verbally beaten, and the man who physically hits his wife? Do you council women to stay in these types of situations? Are you aware of how many woman are murdered by their husbands? Some men, probably many, are mentally disturbed and are lashing out at the most vulnerable person –the wife and children. What about the children who are being physically beaten by fathers ? I know God hates divorce… but He hates a lot of things, sin. Divorce is a horrible option, but isn’t is sometimes the only option for some women? It is a sin, yes, but not always for both parties involved. Are you someone who teaches to stay in a marriage ‘no matter what’ ? And do you teach women that ‘God will always make it better’ IF they obey and stay?

    1. When Paul commands that we submit to one another, he then goes on to define what this looks like. Wives submit to their husbands, children submit to their parents, citizens submit to the government and slaves submit to their masters {or employees submit to their employers}. The church is even commanded to submit to Christ. If your logic is taking, it would mean that parents are also to submit to their children, government to citizens, Christ to the church, etc. There are numerous verses specifically about a wife’s position under her husband but not ONE specific to a husband submitting to or obeying his wife or there would be no leader in the home.

      No, I teach that if a husband is physically abusing his wife or children, she needs to call the authorities and have him locked up.

      1. Alana Childers says:

        First off, I love mutual submission. My husband and I are a great team, and take turns submitting to each other! We have no need for one of us to be the “boss” of the other. 1 Cor 7:4 “The wife doesn’t have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” This is a great verse that specifically says neither the husband nor the wife should “rule over” the other, but be in unity. Jesus preached and taught over and over that his followers were NOT supposed to be (like you used as an example) like a secular government or a secular business with one president. (Matt 20:25-26) We have one Lord, and that is God… not a man in spiritual hierarchy over his wife. Now, once upon a time, I studied Chinese to prepare to go teach in a Chinese mission school. One thing we were told over and over, is that we would be working under a government that is hostile towards Christians. We were supposed to VERY carefully encourage our converts to respect and obey the Chinese government. Otherwise, the mission school could get closed down in a minute. This is the same reasoning that Paul uses as he counsels slaves to obey their masters (in Philemon, Paul tries to work within Rome’s laws by actually sending the escaped slave, Onesimus, back to his master). This is the same reasoning Paul uses when he encourages women (who had little or no legal rights in ancient society) to try to obey their legal master, their husbands. Most women, with the exception of rich or nobility, were not much better off legally than slaves. Paul encourages them to “work within” the laws of the time by obeying their husband, as Paul believes this is the best way for them to convert an unbelieving spouse or at least continue to live peaceably and be allowed to learn about God. This is never meant to be a command for all women for all time. There is NO OLD TESTAMENT law commanding husbands to be rulers over their wife, or wives to be subordinate to their husbands. Patriarchy was typical in ancient Israel, but it did not work well, and that is not how God planned it from the beginning. Google “ezer kenedgo”, and the wonderful true meaning of this phrase. It is inappropriate to compare women being subordinate to husband with children. Children are not equal with ANY adult, but most women are equal with most men in intellect, experience, wisdom, knowledge, etc. When Paul gives specific commands to wives, to slaves, to children, it is NOT a command for all time. God knows that children will, one day, grow up and be equals to their parents. Also, slaves were meant to be set free – Rom 6:16 Don’t you know that if you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, that you are slaves of the one whom you obey? That’s true whether you serve as slaves of sin, which leads to death, or as slaves of the kind of obedience that leads to righteousness. 17 But thank God that although you used to be slaves of sin, you gave wholehearted obedience to the teaching that was handed down to you, which provides a pattern. 18 Now that you have been set free from sin, you have become slaves of righteousness.” —- Obedience is slavery. Slavery to God is freedom! Just like Onesimus, women during Paul’s time were encouraged to endure slavery (little or no legal rights) as best as could be expected, and hope for the Lord who sets slaves free. That time came in America in the 1860’s, when slavery was abolished. Sadly, many churches continued to treat one race as inferior to another for many years, and some still do today! In the 1920’s, women were allowed to vote in the USA. It has taken many more decades for women to actually be allowed “freedom” as equals under the law. Sadly, just like racism, many churches still try to perpetuate ancient Roman laws and treat women as inferiors to their husbands and within churches. I am confident that the Holy Spirit is moving in a beautiful way to finally fulfill the prophecy of Gal 3:28, that believers will finally learn to treat each other as equals, regardless of race, gender, social status, wealth, etc. Jesus prays in John 17 for unity… not for hierarchy, for each to “know their place”. Jesus’ desire is for all of us to truly stop discriminating towards any human being based on their God-given gender, race, social status… but to only judge others based on their actions, their choices in life. We must allow the Holy Spirit to unite us, not allow our sinful desire for hierarchy to continue to allow the curse of Gen 3 to be a stumbling block to the Gospel.

        1. We are equals just have separate roles to play. God, for whatever reason chose man to be the head of woman. It has nothing to do with inferiority or who is a better leader. It has to do with what God wanted. If we truly love God we will trust his wisdom and follow what he word says. He word says that woman was created for man..end of story. God is good and knows how things work the best.

        2. Alana, beautifully written. Thank you! The Lord never intended for Women to be slaves and I thank God I live in a time where I am free as a woman.

      2. Lizzylizz says:

        Ephesians 5:21 Submit ye one to another…….
        1 Peter 3:7 That your prayers be not hindered.
        I don’t think God meant for a husband to say “jump” and the woman says ” How high?”. I believe a marriage should a partnership or a team for the kingdom of God. The husband is to work just as hard as the woman so the marraige will reflect Christ and the church. I understand a woman is not to usurp authority over the man and submit. Christ is the head of the church and is faultless. But because the man is human and capable of mistakes they both could seek God together and acknowledge Him in all of their ways and let Him direct their path. God is the head of the marraige. God didn’t mean for the husband to be a boss over his wife for the kingdom’s sake. I believe there’s a deeper purpose to the scriptures and what they mean.

    2. There seems to be some confusion around how the Bible uses the terms submit and obey. Paul uses submit. And he is very clear that submission between a husband and wife is mutual.

      The OT uses the term obey. Specifically it uses the term shma. Sometimes translated as obey, shma is also translated as hear. However what shma really means is to hear and take approproriate action. (As in God will shma his people or a wife is commanded to shma her husband)

      To obey, biblically speaking, does not mean submit and it certainly doesnt mean to blindly follow another’s directive.

  6. Disrespect for men is taught in every church I have been in — not by direct teaching, but indirectly by showing disrespect for men, implying that is o.k. or necessary at times.
    The idea that submission to each other cancels the command for women to respect and obey their husbands is open door to disobey any command of scripture.
    Christians who believe correct doctrine but act on the doctrines of the world are like the man who built his house upon the sand and not the rock, which is Christ.
    Eating the flesh of Jesus and drinking his blood is not about eucharist but about eating the Word, living by the Word, the manna, everyday. So obedience to the Word is the same as believing into Jesus. Listening to the world’s definitions is never an option for any true believer. (John 6, Deut. 8)

    1. Your words are beautiful to the soul. Glory and praise be to GOD ALMIGHTY, the GOD and Father Of our LORD JESUS CHRIST.

    1. Anne Ryan says:

      I have been a dutiful wife to a wonderful, loving man for a few years. The house is always clean, I work hard to pay for half of the household bills and all of my personal debt from before we were married. I make love to husband EVERY night even when I don’t want to, to the point of hating sex, but I smile and do my work for him so I don’t ruin his joy. The only problem is my husband is not a leader. He does the bare minimum that life requires. I’m not saying that he should be overly ambitious with no direction. I however have the chance to make a lot more money if he would let me go out on the road as a truck driver for a few months to prove it to him. I could make our household income on my salary alone. He wouldn’t have to work. He could just ride with me or we could team if he wanted his CDL. All he wants is to be with me. I want to be debt free. I don’t see why I have to be dragged down by his lack of ambition when I am willing to work so hard. I grew up thinking men wanted a hard working woman, hot meals, a clean house and a loving bed. But those things are mostly lost on him. He wants somebody to watch TV with and have sex with. We can’t move somewhere else because that would require effort. Even though we would both be happier. I hate where we live. I feel trapped. He says he wants me to do what will make me happy until it becomes an inconvenient reality. How do I obey and respect him without becoming bitter. Am I only to be a pale silent reclection of who I once was? I plan on staying married but this marriage is sucking the life out of me. I’ve tried asking what his dreams are, what he’d like to do. I want inspire and suport my husband, but he doesn’t think that far.

  7. Who are you to tell other people how they should act around their husbands? Who are you to declare what most people think, as if you have any idea? You’re an embarrassment to most women, with a mindset that a man gets to control how you think and act. Are you even aware of how sexist you’re being? A strong woman should be able to make her own decisions and share her thoughts just like anyone else. Your gender doesn’t make you any more of anything than someone else. Men are the smarter than women. Men don’t make better choices than women. A marriage is a partnership. A relationship where you make decisions together. Letting someone constantly make decisions on their own is a stupid idea. Being able to compromise and problem solve as a team is going to make everyone happy. When something goes wrong in this “boss and worker” analogy of yours is ally only going to put one person at fault, which only leads to arguments and issues. Also arrogance thinking that they control everything, believing that they’re the only ones making decisions regardless of what other people think, will only lead to unhappiness. So don’t go around saying what everyone thinks based on particular families you talked to. Don’t go around thinking you know more that anyone else and have some sort of knowledge on how other people’s families should behave. It’s ignorant and pathetic. In different cultures, women are forced to be submissive and are mistreated in different countries around the world, which is how you think women in the United states should be traded as Well? Strong, independent women are what we need today. They build families and work hard to help other women who aren’t as strong and independent. So don’t you dare act as if that’s how women should be treated like. Don’t you dare try to speak for others. Most certainly, don’t act as if you know more than them. What you wrote was insulting. The most pathetic part was that you think the Lord tells all women to act the same as if they shouldn’t speak for themselves and make their own choices.

    1. Your comment seems angry and aggressive. Obviously you don’t have to agree with the guest post.

      We are simply sharing biblical marriage help. If you gained nothing from the article, just move forward.

    2. Fatima I think you may be misunderstanding what the author Lori is trying to say. She isn’t telling people how act. She is telling us how God wants us to behave. In this particular case, how God wants wives to behave toward their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-33 First tells wives to submit to their husbands as they do to the Lord. Lord means someone having power, authority, or influence. God is clearly telling you, Fatima (assuming that you are married) that your husband does have authority over you. These are not Lori’s words or even mine. They are God’s words. Verse 25 then goes on to tell husbands to “love their wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” A man having authority over his wife has nothing to do with sexism. God is telling men that they are to imitate Christ and love their wives like Jesus loved the church. Verse 33 then tells husbands to love their wives as they love themselves, and that the wife must respect her husband. God is clearly explaining that husbands are not to mistreat their wives. God isn’t telling husbands to control their wives. He “is” giving husbands authority though. When I say authority I mean the right to make decisions and enforce them. His wife should be one of his best and most trusted counselors. In short, God wants you to help him. Submission to your husband is a choice. Just as submitting to the Lord is a choice. When you choose to marry your husband God is telling you that you must then submit to him because his authority has been granted to him by God. A husband does not derive his own authority. It come directly from God and if he is operating outside of God’s will then he does not have this authority.

      I see that you mention “Strong, independent women” more than once. I think that you may be misunderstand what an independent woman is. By definition independent is: “free from outside control; not depending on another’s authority.” Logically an independent woman would never choose to be married. It is exactly the opposite of what God is calling you to do if you choose to marry. He is granting your husband authority over you. When you marry you are entering into a covenant with God where you are no longer an individual. You are united under God and become one flesh as illustrated in Mark 10:8 “and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” You are no longer an independent woman at this point. Keep in mind that YOU are choosing this. You should not marry if you don’t plan to obey God’s commandments. God hasn’t told you that you shouldn’t speak up for yourself. He tells you that you should do it with gentleness and respect, Galatians 5:22-23 ” But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

    3. Fatima, and all you people fighting the author, Don’t forget, Obey Christ & his word..for those who don’t, shall perish into everlasting Hell…like a furnace, full of sickness, cancer, and beyond our experience of death. Think of the worst death you ever saw, to an elder, even a child; that’s a small dent to what you’ll see if you join people down there…God gave wisdom to those who wrote the scriptures, he is the Final Judge.

      So don’t go on your rant of asking the author who she is to make these statements, she is just spreading the word as Christ told us to, as we are his disciples. This is her choice to perform on this website..if you choose not to believe, or not like this advice, go find something useful for yourself to perform. And obviously I can sense by your style of writing that you are unhappy..maybe see if one of us can help you out instead of criticizing people…

      If you don’t like reading this article, find another website to read.

      But, the author is right, God is right, you are wrong…
      These Bublical verses are older then you, and the petty people fighting to push it all away.

      I am a father of 4, i do not expect my wife to be submissive to me. We work together and I get what your point is. Sometimes being submissive works for people, sometimes it doesn’t. And being older does make you wiser wether you like it or not..

      Just remember who is doing the judging on Judgement Day, and those who do not follow, do not get everlasting life with the Father. SO STOP TALKING unless you know/want your end outcome to be, or want to be judged by others.

      This isn’t an article on debate, it’s about faith and belief.



    4. Your idea is of the devil who is the father of lies and deceit.

  8. I don’t think it’s necessarily what’s being said but the lack of grace it’s in which it’s being said. I’ve heard this taught and I’ve read it myself and believe but when it’s delivered in an “obey or else” kind of manner, it comes off as legalistic, cold, and well kind of like God just doesn’t really care a whole lot about women. Ladies, if you’re struggling to submit, I encourage you to look at scripture that is meant for the church as a whole and not just at ones for wives. If you’re determined to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and your neighbor as yourself, the Holy Spirit will enable you to do this. Simply look at your husband as your first neighbor. Look at 1 Corinthians 13 and live it. But most of all, do what the word says because if you’re man isn’t doing you right according to what the word says and he’s saved, God WILL deal with him. I choose to obey my husband and be his friend because I trust in God’s love for ME. God’s not the president of the Good Ol’ Boys club!!! He loves his daughters too and if those boys aren’t treating his girls right, he’ll deal with them but the same goes for us too. We have to love on his sons or he’ll deal with us. Marriage is meant to make BOTH spouses like Jesus and it takes pruning every day. I just think if we focused more on looking at our husbands as our spiritual brothers and God as our Father, it wouldn’t seem so oppressive. When I look at B as a son of God and in the light of my desire to obey and be blessed by my Father in heaven and I l’m trusting him to clear the dross from us both, I know it’s working out for good. And one more thing girls, we may have to submit and obey, but we didn’t receive the command to love us like Christ loves the church…y’all we may have more commands, but that one the boys got? Well that a tall order to fill and we need to show them the same grace we desire. And no one is going to be able to do any of this if they’re not walking in the Spirit so if you’re struggling to submit and obey, maybe the first relationship you need to work on is the one with your Father and remember His grace IS sufficient even when ours is not;)

  9. Dear Lori,
    I am a husband, and father of three children. God bless you for teaching this truth in today’s culture. I pray that you remain faithful to God’s Word. The Lord Jesus will reward you for being a faithful servant to His Word.
    I am in the middle of prayer time and I will pray for you right now that God will strengthen you in this godless culture.
    May God help all men to truly love their wives as Christ loved the church, and may God help all wives to truly submit to their husbands as the church to Christ. Both sides must pursue Christ 100%. This is how a marriage works!

  10. Thank you for teaching the younger women how to be a good christian wife. I have been married for 10 years and in the last year my husband and I decided to go forward with Gods design for our marriage. I have allowed him to be the leader. I no longer force my will upon him, but rather lovingly give my opinion and our marriage is stronger and better for it. I allow my husband to make the final decisions and I respect his decisions even if it turns out to be a mistake. Our husbands are the servants and we are the handmaidens, so we need to allow them to become the men that the Lord intends them to be. By trying to lead our homes we are getting in the way of Gods will for our homes and our husbands. Our husbands will give an account for their leadership. Should they not have the final say if they are the ones who will answer for it all?

  11. What are wives supposed to do when they are seeking Christ and a Christ-centered relationship, desire to submit and obey their husbands with all respect, and do so, with gentleness, kindness, and with a quiet and meek spirit yet has a husband who only takes advantage of his wife’s submissiveness and obedience? A husband who directs her every move in the home and decides how she should think and act and how and what she believes? And when asked for her opinion, and unknowingly to her it is not what he wants her to say, he rages at her? Drags her down? Degrades her? All of this in front of the children? Humiliates her in front of the children and family? Gaslights her? What is a wife to do in this circumstance? Continue to submit and obey this behavior and treatment to the detriment of her health and of her children? To let her be blamed for this? Is this really a reflection of God and his original intent of marriage and what Jesus wanted for his people? Our marriages are supposed to be a reflection of Christ and the Church. To glorify God. Tell me, how does a marriage like this glorify God? How many unbelievers will look in on this and see the love of Christ working?

  12. Thank you for being courageous enough to share the plain truth of scripture. I am a husband and father, acutely aware of my obligation (command) to be gentle and love my wife. I strive to do so and hopefully am apologizing when I am not loving or gentle. I have forwarded this article to my wife. Hopefully she considers this from you. Sometimes I ask her in what ways she is obeying or submitting to me…she is stumped for an answer. I think our home could be more peaceful, as you have noted. If only my wife knew that, were she even to show the EFFORT of willingly obeying and submitting, I would bend over backwards for her to love her…alas I despair she does not trust me enough to be vulnerable in obedience and submission…

  13. My husband expects his mother to move in with us so he can take care of her whereas I am suppose to find a nursing home for my parents and kick their pets in thr street. At most, he agrees to me moving out to nutse my parenta. Is this a happy home for any children to come? Is this a marriage? Also instead of me keeping the household, his mother is in charge. How can I be a wife when he won t let me do what a wife is suppose to do for a husband?

    1. I am very sorry about your situation Anna. Please do not be offended at your husband, pleáse speak to him about it politely in wisdom that his mother should be taken to a nursing home as well so that there can be peace, joy, and love in your marriage.

      It is not right for your mother in-law to be in charge of your home.

      May God Almighty grant your husband the Loving courage to do the right thing.

      But please calm down everything will fine in due course.

  14. Nice article. Here is my experience with this issue (as a husband).

    I loved my wife. I wanted her to be as happy as possible, and I let her choose as many things as possible. I never expected a servant.

    At some point, the spending of money because a major problem for us. She wanted to spend without limits, and I wanted to pay the rent.

    We spent a year at an impasse and went another $20,000 in debt. She continued to do whatever she pleased while I objected. No compromise was acceptable to her. 50/50 does not work in these instances.

    I read the Bible and prayed on it. My understandings:

    a) Husbands love your wives, be gentle with them.

    b) Wives are NOT to separate from their husbands.

    c) It says husband should consult with their wife. BUT It says that wives are to submit to their husbands.

    I understood this to mean that it was my responsibility to lead our household. I had to put my foot down and chop up the credit cards.

    I didn’t do this in order to “win” an argument or to get my way. I did this to save us from going bankrupt. Letting her harm both of us isn’t love.

    I believe the Bible contains a great deal of wisdom. I know first hand that a 50/50 partnership simply does not work.

    My process was like this:

    1) Discuss the issue.

    2) Think and pray on it.

    3) Try to reach consensus or a compromise.

    if all of those fail:

    4) Wives submit to your husband.

    The Bible never uses such strong language in the reverse. I believe it’s God’s intention that the husband is ultimately in charge of the household.

  15. It humbles me when I hear women walking in the holy part being a loving, gentle and submissive wives to their own husbands. It makes me cry because I know this is the will of GOD and knowing that there are wives out there walking in obedience to the word of GOD.

    Thank you very much Lori for dedicating yourself to our LORD JESUS CHRIST in humble service.

    I am married and a father of two children and I pray everyday for my wife to learn the ways of the FATHER and be a wife that is virtuous and modest before the HOLY ONE. It is heartbreaking seeing my wife challenging and arguing with me not wanting to be submissive, but stubborn in her ways.
    May the Almighty God prevail over her and break her into becoming a virtuous wife.

    Thank you Lori for being the handmaiden of the LORD that you are walking in the footsteps our LORD JESUS CHRIST.

  16. Celeste Branch-O'Neill says:

    I have a huge problem with this. Not with the scriptures, but with the interpretation of them and the question is this; where do WIVES draw the line to “obedience”? So, if a godly wife who is trying to be obedient to the MOST HIGH reminds her husband that homosexuality is wrong in the eyes of God, and he tells her that he does not believe everything the Bible says, and as long as you live your life and are not hurting anyone, he believes you are going to heaven, who in fact is she to “obey”? The Word or her husband?

    Not everything is as black and white as you seem to see it, there are shades of gray where a woman, a wife must make a decision to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit through the Word rather than the ungodly advice that her husband is giving. What if the husband decides he wants his wife to watch porn with him? Then what, is she supposed to “obey” him to keep the “peace” and the marriage bed “happy and healthy”, or is she to remind him of what the Word says? Marriage is supposed to be a partnership right? And what if the wife was raped, and her husband as a cop who knows the rules on what needs to be done when that act is perpetrated against a woman, tells her not to report it because it will cause a headache in HIS life? He is supposed to love his wife as Christ loves the church, he is supposed to LEAD in love and cherish, but how does leading include turning his back on his wife when she so desperately needs him for support, compassion and strength?

    Of course all the MEN that read this will agree with you because of course they want their wives to “submit”. I’m willing to bet that in their minds there is only one main area in which they want that to happen, in the bed.

    “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” Do you see that? The wife is to submit herself to her husband AS she does to the Lord, not AS her husband wants her to submit to him. If I am going to submit myself to the Most High in the Holiness that he desires and requires in a relationship with Him, there is no way that I’m going to contradict the word and become a double minded by turning around and submitting to the want and will of the unholiness and to the flesh that my husband may want. If my husband tells me to go and get a job working at a strip joint, or prostitute myself to make money and I have proclaimed to live my life for the Lord and Him only will I serve, then sorry, the answer shall be no way will I put my body and spirit at risk of filth and loss of eternal life in the Kingdom of God.

    Your way works for your marriage, but not every marriage is as clean cut and crystal as yours. I have struggled with my faith in a marriage where my husband is NOT saved as has no interest in turning his life over to the Lord. He does not want to stop looking at other women, both on the street and online. He does not want to stop thinking about filthy and ungodly sexual things. He is ready to believe that a wife should obey her husband, but he does not want to think about where the scripture says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” My husband does not love himself, so how can he love me AS Christ loves the church, as Christ loves me?

    You have to think about the fact that a follower of the Way must make a decision of who it is that they will serve in holiness. Where do we draw the line from submission to slavery? I live in FEAR in my marriage…is that GODLY, is that how God wants women to be, afraid that if they do not do what their husbands want, if they do not OBEY their husbands, that they will receive backlash from the disobedience? Who at this point should I listen to OUTSIDE OF submitting to an ungodly husband who has does so much to bring hurt and pain? God or him?

    MY marriage is not as straight forward and black and white as yours. My marriage has many shades of dark colors and your post and “encouragement” has done nothing more for me than to question whether or not I should believe in a God that encourages a woman to submit to her husband in ALL things, even if they go against what it is that He has taught through His own writing, through His servants, through His prophets, and through His Son.

  17. I have been married 32 years. My marriage is based on love and mutual respect of each other. My husband and I have many things in common, we talk all the time and help each other. If my husband cooks then I chop the vegetables and clean up the kitchen. My husband does the laundry and I will help him fold and put away the clothes. If he paints the house I will paint the trim. We are happy, we love each other and I can honestly say that I have never in my marriage submitted to my husband by obeying. He is not the leader of me and I am not the leader of him. But that does not mean that I do not respect him, I respect him and he respects me. There is nothing I would not do for my husband and there is nothing he would not do for me. I believe a marriage should be a team. My husband and I work and we both work just as hard, he does not work harder than I do. He does not control me and I do not control him. We love and help each other out of mutual respect. Husband and wife should be submissive to each other and should remain faithful. But they should not be made to feel inferior as women are not less than men.

  18. I can say that my opinion is same just as you shared with us. I always tried to increase our mutual love as a couple. I am engaged with my husband since 10 years but never utilized most of the ways you shared in this post.

    For me, it is essential to obey my hubsand and I will do this forever. Also, The valentine day is coming and I would follow this post to do something extraordinary.
    I can surely use your provided ways to make my life more pleasant with my husband. Thanks

  19. The Bible specifically says “Submit to one another.” As in, husbands should also submit to their wives. You conveniently left that part out. There should be mutual respect and equality. If you’re going to pretend you’re qualified to teach other women, at least give them all the facts.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *