Knowing What You Love

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‘It should be straightforward, this knowing what we love. But it seldom is. After decades of letting other people influence us- the media, the magazines, our mothers, our friends- we’re going to have to go cold turkey. The only opinion that counts from now on is your own.

This week, try an experiment. Plan a creative excursion to go browsing in a home furnishings and decorative accessories shop. Go somewhere you’ve never been before, so that you’re looking at everything with fresh eyes. What startles you, calls to you, excites you? Write it down in a small spiral notebook that you can keep in your purse. Is it the shape of a teapot, the colors of a hooked rug, the textures in an exquisite dried flower arrangement? You’ll know what you love the moment you see it. It’s that familiar “Wow” reaction. Trust the impulse, capture the encounter, record the clues. These will be important later on.

Then next week on another creative excursion, go browsing (not to buy) at a new clothing boutique. You know, that place that always intrigues you but you stay away from because it’s too expensive. The spring fashions should be arriving by now. See what’s new. See what’s you.Your spirit perks at the sight of a goldenrod linen blazer. So why are you always dressed in black? A fabulous flowered georgette pleated skirt and tunic top wows you, but you always wear jeans because it’s more practical. Maybe, just maybe, feeling gorgeous outweighs practicality. Be open to authentic aspirations.

Remember this is the year for asking questions. The most essential one we can ask is: what is it I truly love? Be patient. We’re not going to overhaul our lives, our homes, or our wardrobes in a week. Trust that your authentic life will unfold naturally and with grace.’ -Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance A Daybook of Comfort and Joy

Finding our authentic selves. This is so powerful to me.

Still, so lost some days. Still, not recognizing that person in the mirror every day. Still, not recognizing this life I live some days.

Not because I do not love my life.

Not because I do not love my children.

Not because I do not love Lenny.

Simply because I am just a little lost.

A journey I begged for and wanted; being a stay at home mom, having a beautiful family, having children that love me. I wanted all of this.

Still, I am a little lost. And still, I am learning to love me, with grace. Learning to put myself up there high on that priority list.

Some days it is clearer to me than others.

But, I am on the right path.

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Today, I am grateful for:

Family, and not just the ones that live in this house. The ones who are my siblings, and now have families of their own. Our children can play together and love one another. Dinners together and conversation. Children laughing. I need this more.

Prayer, and the words my children hear me say out loud every day. Usually right in the middle of their meltdowns.

Music, it speaks to me. Given the opportunity, I could get lost in it for hours. Literally hours.

Routine, I am getting there. Having a little routine reminds me how much more I need. Lazy creates more lazy, while routine creates more routine. Make sense?

Love, it helps me grow. Especially the unconditional kind. And I am grateful to receive it, to give it and to learn to love myself (more).

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And to answer the question above, why are we always dressed in black from today’s Simple Abundance entry, you must read my friend Kathy’s blog post about Rit Dye Black. It is absolutely hilarious and explains the life of mommy’s everywhere in the way of color… and why everything becomes black.

‘Perhaps loving something is the only starting place there is for making your life your own.’ -Alice Koller