My Biggest Regret as a Mother
Sometimes I make decisions based on emotion. I do.
When I found out I was pregnant with Matthew six years ago, our last baby, I was so frustrated. I share this vulnerably knowing others could judge me, but also knowing there is someone out there this could help.
Our twins were two and a half. I was just getting to a place where I felt like I could keep up.
You see when the twins were born I went from having one child, to having four…. what seemed like over night.
We are a blended family. Garrett was 6. My stepson was 4. The twins were born and then my stepson soon came to live with us. It was a lot of change. Quickly.
I was very naive and not prepared. Becoming a stay at home mom when the twins were born I thought it was going to be super easy. Boy, was that a shock.
Don’t get me wrong, being home and being a mom is what I was made to do. I just was not prepared. I thought we would play games all day. Spend every beautiful afternoon at the park. I had no idea I would struggle just to get a shower and brush my teeth before noon.
When I found out I was having Matthew I fell apart. Not because I did not love him, already growing in my womb, but because I could hardly keep up as it was. How in the world was I going to do this? I had twins who would run in opposite directions and break raw eggs in my living room, for crying out loud. I have two older boys who bickered and fought, one of which had pretty intense behavior issues. My husband ran his own business and worked 12-15 hour days many months out of the year. (There are families who endure much more, I know…. but I was struggling.)
I would wake up each day thinking THIS is what I was made to do, but my goodness this was hard work!
I cried and cried. How on earth was I going to manage?
My very first prenatal appointment I walked in and told my OBGYN something I still to this day regret with every fiber of my being.
He confirmed I was pregnant (at this point I was literally at least 10 weeks along…)
I told him after the delivery I wanted my tubes tied. I sat in his office at this very visit and completed the paperwork to have a tubal ligation after Matthew was born.
Fast forward to the day I delivered him…. as they wheeled me back I started to have regret. I asked how permanent this was.
Quickly I was told that if I expressed any reservations they could not do the procedure. I quietly turned my head and remained silent.
Matthew was born by c-section and the instant I heard his cry I was madly in love. A blessing I had no idea I needed in my life. He changed me in so many ways.
The tubal was performed. I was told my uterus was in bad shape and the membranes were exposed (there was a uterine window).
Matthew has been my baby for six years. I went through that pregnancy knowing I would never be pregnant again, by choice. And now it is the biggest regret I have ever made.
Yesterday one of my childhood friends I’ve known since 6th grade called. We talked for 4 hours. About shame, regret, raising large(r) families, homechooling, marriage, children… everything. It felt so good to talk to someone who understood. And finally I could identify what the feeling is surround what I think is one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made. She reminded me that most of the people she knows who have had tubals do regret it. It is such a permanent decision to live with.
For years I have dismissed it and thought I would have never been able to have another child with the condition of my uterus, but now I know this is not necessary true. Our bodies heal. The Lord answers prayers. My regret is normal. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
If this is a decision you’re considering, I encourage you to really, really think it through. Remember that every baby is a blessing that is wonderfully made.
Matthew has been one of the most amazing blessings to this family who has taught me so much. He has made me a better mom is more ways than he will ever know.
Am I alone? What is your biggest regret?
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I loved this, Crystal. Thank you for sharing. You know how I feel about the blessing of having children. I am always heartbroken when I hear of young women doing something permanent. We never did. We never wanted to stop all possibility of ever having children. We would have had more if I hadn’t gotten so sick. Our four children have been our greatest joy in our life.
The one regret I have is that I was such a difficult wife for so many years. I can never get those 20 years back to enjoy and respect my husband. It’s especially hard now knowing how wonderful marriage is doing it God’s way. We enjoy each other SO very much. I think everyone has regrets in life but it is okay. We can use our regrets to warn others to not make the same mistakes we made. Yes, we’re forgiven but we bear the scars from wrong choices.
Thank you for your honesty. It’s so refreshing when people are real. This isn’t something I’ve dealt with but even though we knew our family was complete my husbands vasectomy was the hardest decision we have made and it wasn’t made without lots of consideration. I know other people are probably in this same position or can relate. Thank you for being willing to talk about it.
Thank you for sharing your story. For my regret: it is something I felt for weeks & said. I was a happily married stay at home mom with 2 beautiful kids then one day my ex husband no longer wanted me! He simply just wanted freedom without a family. I was left with a 5 year old and new born to care for alone with no degree to get a higher paying job and at the time I was a homeschooling mom. I had no family support or church family at the time. I worked odd jobs to get by around my kids when I could afford a baby sitter. I would baby sit other kids just to be with my kids & make money in between. All I had was Jesus himself. Then I got so lonely over those years alone I fell into sin. I got pregnant and was scared to death. I was already skipping meals just so my 2 kids could eat at times because money was tight ( and I refused to live on the system). So I was wishing the baby was gone out of total fear. I had been praying and God dealt with my heart and I began to love the baby and want it so much but right when fear left and I was in love with the baby I couldn’t see I lost her. She died and we do not know why. For years after I felt because I was so fearful and wished she wasn’t going to be born I felt it was my fault. Deep down I really didn’t mean it when I felt it at the time it was truly just fear speaking. I felt as if I had killed her. I know now that is not the case, but sometimes the old devil will whisper in my ear. But in a way those who have abortions then later regret it I can kinda in a small way know what that feels like. My baby girls name is Jesse. I look forward to seeing her again someday. She would of been 12 this year. My son is now 20 and my teen girl 15. I remarried about 10 years ago. Tried for 8 of those ten years to have a baby with my husband only to loose a baby boy named Asher last year after trying so long. Now I am 40 and can not get pregnant. I have had to face the fact it’s just not going to happen now again. My husband has given up also. He is now almost 48 and says he is to old anyways. So now I long for the babies I can not yet hold but so cherish the ones I have been blessed to raise. I call my self a mom of 4 instead of 2 because I know they are with Jesus and we will see each other some day!
Thank you for this. I am struggling with this decision right now. We have 4 beautiful children ranging in age from 8 years to 7 months. My husband truly only wanted 2, MAYBE 3 children – I was the one who wanted a big family. He adores all of our children but is very done. He has scheduled a vasectomy consult. I am tired. Our last two are only 19 months apart and between them and homeschooling I feel very stretched. Most of the time I think he is making the best decision for us, but I worry that I will regret it in the future. Pregnancies are hard on me and I don’t regret the idea of not going through that again. But snuggling a little newborn? Who can ever get enough of that?
I found out that I was pregnant with my 2nd (& last) baby boy when I was already 14wks! We already had 1 son that was 2 & 1/2yrs when we discovered I was preggers! We knew that we wanted more than 1 child & were excited 2 1 day try 4 a baby girl, we just hadn’t decided when. At 1st, we had said that we wanted right a 5yr gap between kids. So…when we realized that I was definitely pregnant, we were both elated & terrified. We didn’t feel like we were in a place financially, emotionally or physically 2 bring another life into the world…yet! We were going thru a lot at the time. But, we were definitely excited none the less:) Once we got past the initial shock & scare of it-lol! They had 2 do an ultrasound that u normally don’t have until 20wks just so they could determine how far along I was since we had no true conception date & I had continued 2 have my period, although it was extremely light & spotty & there probably was a month that I didn’t menstrate, but that was not unusual 4 me 2 do if I was under a lot of physical & emotional stress (which I had been)! The 1st OBGYN appointment they thought I was 11wks, so the very next day I was sent 2 have the ultrasound & thats when they discovered that I was actually 14wks. They were also very confident that it was a boy, even though they usually can’t tell the sex until 20wks.-haha-he was already a little show off;) Our 1st son, as I said was 2 & 1/2 & definitely going thru the terrible 2’s! He was becoming quite a handful, so our 1st reaction was that if it was a girl we get my tubes tied but if it was a boy then in a few uears we would try again 4 a girl. But as soon as we found out it was a boy, we quickly decided 2 go thru with a tubal ligation since they could do it right after I gave birth. It would b easier because I was already in the hospital & wouldn’t add any extra healing time. Much easier than getting it done later on. We told my OBGYN immediately & at every appointment they reconfirmed our decision. In fact they asked me again if I was sure of this decision right after giving birth, as they were wheeling me out of my room 2 the operating room, in the pre-op room while prepping me 4 surgery & probably 2-4 more times when I was lying on the operation table b4 they got me all drugged up-lol! Every time I was a definite & confident YES! So I have had my tubes tied 4 almost 7yrs now. We have a beautiful 10yr old son & a precious 6yr (will be 7 in April!) old son. And we could not be happier;) For us it was 1 of the best & smartest decisions that we ever made! Sure, we have times where we ate both like it would be kind of nice 2 have a baby, especially as we see our boys growing up so fadt! But we also know that we would be struggling more finsncially & we feel that it wouldn’t be fair 2 the boys. We also feel 4 us & our family ddynamic that we can split our time so much easier between just 2 kids. When we go out 22gether as a fam, we r each n charge of 1 boy! 2 boys are perfect 4 us:)
Wow, I just had the visit where I was asked about birth control after my 2nd, my husbands 5th. I said tubes tied. When I said it I thought that is so permanent. I have been thinking now if that’s what I really want. My hubby is 16 yes older than me, his other 3 are grown and we are just a small family of 3 now. I was shocked to hear I was prego again. Had just gotten off of Mirena I was about 8-9 weeks. We we done with one. So we thought. I was excited to have the chance of another. I am sure I don’t want more, but I have never like birth control, it messes with my hormones, tried several different types. Hubby refuses to get snipped. Which I am OK with. However I think about how permanent it sounds and it makes me scared, nervous and not sure why. Like I said I’m happy withe having 2, hubby has 3 and they are having babies of their own. ( Real Modern Family) Other than my babies and husband I have not chosen something permanent before like this. I’m due in May and hope the more I talk this out the better I feel about My decision. No one is forcing me into this. Thank you for this and sharing.
its taken me 4 long years a miscarriage (boy #4) and another pregnancy (girl 7/31) to finally get my husband to do what he agreed to do and get snipped. I am also thinking about getting a tubal so I definitely know there won’t be anymore babies. I could understand having more if we could afford it and if I didn’t suffer though sickness for 8 months but we can’t and I really do so no no more ever. I was very happy with my 3 boys and I’m very nervous and anxious. I was just getting to the place where I can take them places and the youngest 3 stayed with me and came back after running off without me chasing him down. I do love my boys bough and in happy for this rainbow baby.
Oh, how I so understand. My husband made permanent decisions 6 years ago this week, when our youngest was barely 6 weeks old. I have mourned the loss of future babies ever since. Even was in counseling three times. I can’t allow myself to think about it for long, else I would begin to dwell on it and spiral for the rest of the day. I comfort myself in knowing that if God really wants us to have more children, he will make it happen. He is the one truly in control. Maybe He is just as sad for the choice. Much has happened in the last six years and I have learned such an appreciation for respect for my husband, but oh how I yearn for another child! (we have 4). Please, please, think very carefully before you choose something permanent!
Thank you for sharing. We live in a culture that has very little value for children, except as they improve our lives and make us happy. I’m grateful to have grown up in a home where this was not the case. My parents had eight children together and sacrificed every day to raise us to love and serve God. I recently found out that I’m expecting again…number five, and my oldest will be seven when baby arrives. This is seriously overwhelming at times, but I believe it is good. Keeping my life in manageable little boxes may make me happy, but it doesn’t teach me to rely on God. I know I cannot raise this many kids in my own strength, but God is faithful, and over and over in His word he speaks of children as a blessing. I have been blessed with a lot of support, and an awesome husband. By God’s grace we are hoping this won’t be our last baby. We may look to space pregnancies out a bit more, but plan to never make a permanent decision to end our family. I keep reminding myself that in twenty years I’m not going to look back and wish I had had more time to myself, a longer space of being fit and skinny between babies, or less busy days. I’m going to look at my grown children and my grand children and praise God for their lives, and His grace through it all. My mother’s reply when people questioned her sanity for having so many children will always stick with me. “What else can you take with you?”
That was beautiful and so revealing of you. Please don’t feel guilty about that because you were meant to be a great mother to your children, but you have to stop sometime. I was an infertility patient, and finally after 10 years and so much struggle, I had a baby girl. I wanted another baby ( a boy) but knew the possibility was remote. Imagine my surprise when I got pregnant anyway, 8 years later. But we decided to stop there. So many infertility patients wait forever, so I stopped. I left the next little angel for another anxiously waiting and deserving mother. “My cup runneth over.”
It is hard to think about anything else when you are smack dab in the middle of the chaos. You finally get to the point where you can breathe again and are shoved back under the water going through morning sickness. I know. I have four beautiful children who are 6 and under. It’s crazy and messy at my house. I was just feeling normal when I found out I was pregnant with #4. One of the first questions they asked me was if I wanted my tubes tied after delivery. I said no only because it took us seven years to get pregnant the first time. Hugs!
Thank you for sharing. I currently have a nearly 9 year old step son, a 2 year old daughter, a 1 year old son(about 11 months apart), and I’m 9 months pregnant with my fourth. We will have three under three for the next six months or so. My husband is most definitely drowning and is so done with having children, at least for right now. I personally want to hold out for a couple years, get out of the stage where our babies are in such high need stages, to the point where they get a little more independent before making a decision. He agrees with this, but lately I’ve been considering just asking him to book an appointment to get snipped, because I know he’d be more than happy to do so. This post affirmed to me that I’m making the right decision in waiting and seeing how we feel in a couple years before making such a permanent decision. I can always stop birth control. There’s no going back from a vasectomy or a tubal ligation. Plus, having another where I’m not chasing after toddlers might be kinda nice! XD I might actually get to you know, NOTICE being pregnant. 😛
Just wanted to say that we had 5 children in 8 years then a 5 year gap before the last one. It has been such a different experience for us. Such a joy for us and the rest of the kids. Not that life isn’t busy, but it’s just different and special.
Money is the only thing that keeps me and my husband from having more children. He wanted to get his tubes tied but I wouldn’t let him. You never know when your life situation can change! He could get a new job, the health insurance industry could change. You never know! I consider myself done having children but I would be devastated if “couldn’t” have more! Thanks for this great post, it makes me feel good about our decisions for once! 🙂
Thank you for sharing. Glad to know I’m not alone:)
Crystal,
This is my biggest regret as a mother too. I thought mid 30’s and 2 little ones under the age of 3… how will I keep up? I did the same thing with Harper, first appointment I filled out the papers to have a tubal ligation… oh my goodness how I am filled with regret. I see both of my kids growing up and I feel like a part of me has died, I mourn for my loss of fertility weekly.
Thanks for sharing this emotional post {I type with tears in my eyes as this hit so close to my heart….}
Big hugs lady!
You know what I myself am one of those that been struggling with this decision myself..I had my lil princess 17 months ago and though I’m extremely exhausted I can’t help but wonder should I shouldn’t I…now what I haven’t shared is I’m a mother of 6 living children I had a miscarriage the doctor was trying to figure out if it was twins or not so I guess you can say I’m a momma to 8 children…when my youngest son was born (he is 5) I had paperwork signed to get the tubal and my husband looks at me and say the day the dr was scheduling surgery ..your not going god don’t want it…ok well I didn’t and I have my princess…again I signed paperwork and I had it scheduled AGAIN my husband answered the call and said ummm no she isn’t going to be there…I wanted to cry in devastation..I’m going on 39 years old my eldest child is 20 I just want to enjoy grandkids…and enjoy my lil princess…but hubby said your not doing it God didn’t make you that way he don’t want you to do it he isn’t done with you…now he isn’t a religious man by any means he believes in God and scripture…but at first he says yes then it’s no when scheduling time comes…dr now refuses to do it….and I’m almost ok with it cause I think I almost like having that option but I get that darn baby itch about the time the kids are 3 or 4… Can’t I just have a small dog instead I said to hubby he said NO..sigh..thank you for sharing this is just solidifies the choice and options I will remain whole so that way there I won’t have to have that regret which I know I WOULDVE gotten
Thank you for sharing this! I was so tired during my pregnancy with my daughter (she has 2 older brothers) that we decided I would get my tubes tied. I remember having a bad feeling in the operating room (all 3 of my kids were delivered by c-section). I didn’t recognize it at the time but I do now. I should not have had the tubal ligation and I have regretted it every day since. I know that we were meant to have at least one more baby and it breaks my heart that I made this decision. I also think that it’s not a decision to be made while you’re pregnant – i.e. tired, sick, hormonal. Yes, you’re right…please, please, please think it through before you do it.
I agree Becky. I really don’t think it is wise to make a life changing decision like this while you’re hormonal, exhausted, etc.
All the best to you and your family!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. We went through something similar, had my second son when the first was 2 1/2, and had my tubes tied the next morning (I was only 24). I am quite sick for a good six months when pregnant, and just didn’t want to go through it again. About five years later the Lord spoke to me very clearly, telling me HE knew who should be in my family better than I did. When I told my husband, he confessed that he felt fertility wasn’t something to be messed with, but had gone through with it for my sake.
We began to research and save money, and after a year we traveled from California to New Braunfels, Texas, to have reversal surgery done by a wonderful Christian doctor who does the surgery at a reduced rate for families who have decided to let God grow their families.
http://rosenfeldmd.com/testimonials/dena-thompson-new-braunfels-texas-dwilsonwtkidney-net/
I had my surgery in January 1993, and between then and March 2003 had five live births and five miscarriages. Our first son was born in 1983, so there is almost a 20 year span between our first and last. I was almost 42 when the last one was born. I’m almost 54 now, and the baby factory has been closed for several years (I had to have uterine ablation due to severely heavy periods). Believe it or not, I still get the urge to have another baby, even though I have three grandchildren and one on the way!
God knows your heart and your situation. He’s not mad at you for the decision you made, and may even make a way for you to change things. Even if he doesn’t, you have been abundantly blessed. Peace to you.
Wow! Thank YOU for sharing. I am going to look into this…
I have gone through this same difficult decision, and the repercussions of my choice. After baby number four, I decided we needed to be done. It was a difficult time for me personally. I was tired. My best friend and her husband had decided four was enough, he had a vasectomy. My s-i-l had a tubal. Even my dog got fixed. I just thought we should be done. We were still renting, and only had one vehicle. A small work truck. Seats two adults..no kids. I felt pressured to make the decision from 7 months to delivery. The dr and his nurse asked me at every appointment if I was going to have my tubes tied or go on birth control pills. Since those make me sick as a dog, I figured the tubal would be best.
I, under no circumstances, EVER, recommend making such a choice at 7 months pregnant! Or at any time during pregnancy, unless the mothers life is in jeopardy. Hormones, emotions…yeah. Not a good time to make life choices like that.
I was being wheeled down the corridor to the OR and KNEW I didn’t want the surgery. But, I felt guilty. I wish I had said no.
The next seven years I spent praying for a miracle. Suffice it to say, I got mine through the Grace of God. Everything just fell into place. I had a reversal. I had a wonderful Dr (Dr. Levin in Louisville, Kentucky). I prayed that the reversal would not only provide me with maybe one more child, but restore my health. The tubal had messed up my system so bad! The stress and guilt that I felt caused a whole other medical condition, that I now deal with continually. I really hoped the reversal would reverse all of that as well.It helped the female issues immensely, but not the other. I did get pregnant after just 5 months. I lost it immediately. Then a few months later..again. I went on to have my two, sweet little boys! Two years apart. Then I developed secondary infertility issues. I am an older mother, 40-something at this point (I was still in my 30’s when I had my two boys). After my second, I went on to have 4 miscarriages. The last turned into a molar pregnancy, just last year. I am officially banned by my dr from getting pregnant. She’s afraid it’ll go molar, and turn into cancer (choriocarcinoma).
I highly recommend trying to get a reversal if at all possible, if only to reverse the emotional wrong that you may feel you did to your body.
My personal feeling was that God had given me a great and wonderful gift. That I had thrown out the gift with the wrappings so to speak. I felt tremendous guilt. I lost seven years of possible pregnancies. Given my stats, that meant I lost the chance for up to three children. I can’t get those years back. I will never have those chances again. I still wrestle with guilt. What if’s.
I miss the children I will never have. My family will never feel complete.
All because a stupid dr felt it was the right choice. That if I had it done while still in the hospital my insurance would cover it. Not to wait for my six week post-partum visit to decide. They pressured me into a decision, I was in no frame of mind to make.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. When I made the decision to get a tubal I wasn’t 100% sure that was what I wanted to do but at this time I was pregnant with my third child in the same year i had given birth to my second child. Long story short I had my tubes tied and just never had a settling in my spirit. Well I am now the mother to 6 children because even after I had my tubes clipped, tied, and burned I had 3 more children. Tubals are not as permanent as we think they are. 🙂 Be encouraged!
Thank you so much for the encouragement! God willing… praying about it.
Hi, Crystal. I married my high school sweetheart very young. We were only eighteen and nineteen at the time. Six months later we found out I was pregnant. We were so happy to welcome a son and could not wait to have another child. Sadly, I lost a baby girl to stillbirth at thirty-five weeks and endured five miscarriages. It took fifteen years, and in vitro fertilization, but God gave us twins. They are miracles! With every pregnancy, I was sick for months on end. It was terrible. And with the twins it was even worse. I had to have a pic line put in for constant re-hydration. I could not wait to tell the doctor that I wanted a tubal ligation after their birth. In fact, when he confirmed it during the C-section, I shouted a resounding, “Yes!”
It seems strange that a woman who waited all those years to grow her family would want such a thing, but I did. I was thirty-five and the doctor didn’t recommend trying again. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve wondered what would have happened if we had made the decision to not have the procedure. However, I believe God knows all and I did pray about it, even through a more than difficult pregnancy. They are now six years old and the joy of our lives. Our oldest is twenty-two. It’s fun around here!
He is faithful and all things work together for good for those who love Him. I know you already know that!
You are blessed! This is a wonderful post.
Thanks so much for sharing this. It made me cry. I’ve always known I wanted a large family but I can also understand exactly how you feel because I’ve been there as a mom too. None of our girls have been planned but thankfully breastfeeding has naturally spaced out kids 2-3 years apart. I appreciate your perspective on making a permanent decision under heated emotions. It’s hard.
I understand. When my fourth was born via emergency c section and decided to have my tube tied. You see we had a 6 year old, 2 year old and 1 year old. I was over whelmed and tired. So very tired and worn down from 3 back to back pregnancies. And I had no help. It’s one of my biggest regrets, and having health issues since (5.5 years ago) has made it even worse. My only long term health solution is a hysterectomy which my doctor doesn’t want to do since I’m young.
My tubal ligation use to be my biggest regret. In 2008, by the grace of God, we were able to have it reversed. We went to Mexico (crazy, right?) to an American Red Cross hospital across the border from Rio Bravo. They did a fantastic job and we just welcomed reversal baby #2 into the world. Baby makes 5 kids for us. Our oldest is 17,16, 14, and 4. Life isn’t always rosie, for sure, but we muddle through as best we can. Right now we’re dealing with a house that’s in serious need of repair and we have no way of fixing it. So now I’m dealing with the guilt of not having a 2nd income to help out my family but feeling like my true calling is to be at home. A little tug of war with my emotions is always so fun! Anyway, thought I would share.
What an awesome and encouraging story! Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your story, Crystal. This is something that we’re actually going through at the moment. I’m not pregnant but I also have come to realize that I’m at the stage where I need to start thinking about whether or not we have another baby. A part of me really does want to and another part screams that I’m crazy.
I haven’t had my tubes tied, for the simple reason that I wasn’t sure I was done having babies. My husband was quite sure however, so our compromise was that he would get done instead. So now we’re hoping to adopt, lol!
Your honesty is refreshing. So many times we make a decision and later regret it. But it is okay to feel that and really embrace those feelings. Best to you.
Thank you Tyra! Appreciate your encouragement.
I remember 2 days before my daughter’s first birthday finding out I was pregnant. I cried and cried and cried. I just said there we no way I could do it. Then we lost that baby. It was my 3rd miscarriage, I was 37 years old and I had my tubes tied. I still don’t regret that. But I do regret not being more excited about the last baby. I only carried her for 14 weeks but I should have been celebrating.
I think all mothers have some regret. Mine is not slowing down more and being patient.
I have not had children but I can not imagine how hard making a decision like that could be. Thank you for sharing your story, it was probably therapeutic to share.
Thank you for sharing your story. I also have twins. Twin boys that are now 19 years old. I know many of us have regrets but I couldn’t be more blessed and proud of my four children.
Ahh, we are trying to grow our family and are having difficulties. I can’t wait for the day to stay at-home with my first baby.
I so wanted a family of 3 children when I was married the first time and very young – but…Found out there were a lot of issues with my ex-husband after our son was born – oh he loved us – but he wasn’t ready and what a depressing mess –
I am just feeling so blessed that I had one wonderful healthy child and didn’t want anymore by the time I remarried and had a high power position – it all worked out
We all are so different for different reasons – no judgments needed
Thanks for sharing your story. I have been offered a tubal a couple times in my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies, but I’ve never done it. I know I would regret it. I just know. I just can’t do something that permanent to myself.
I am not a mom yet so I don’t know how hard it must have been to make that decision. I hope that when I do have kids, and the time comes to stop having kids I am able to make a decision.
oh hun I’m so sorry. You are incredibly brave for admitting this. I have not had tubes tied but I do think everyday if my 17 month old will be my last. Right now, I have an 11 year old and 5 year old girls plus, now my son. I feel like I’m already over my head and cannot do this then I see my friends posting newborn pictures or hearing their newborn baby cries and I’m like “eh well maybe I can do this again” Although, I “can” have another baby I’m scared that it will make me crazier than I already am or if I don’t get pregnant I will eventually regret it. It’s such a hard internal fight. My husband is actually on board for either and has said it’s completely up to me since it’s my body. That actually doesn’t help me though lol. I wish he would just give me a REAL answer of either way which would help me make a final choice.
You are not alone and you are an inspiration for sharing your story. I have a few regrets, I think as parents, we all do. I have spoken about this with many friends and have never heard any say they have no regrets as a parent.
I also made this same mistake, i knew i wanted more children when i made the horrible decision to have a tubal. But we were struggling financially and i was afraid we were just going to live like that til we died. I wanted to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom. I didnt want to have anymore children and have to get a job outside the home and have to put my babies in public school. I WANTED TO TEACH THEM! Well i got ny tubes tied 4 yrs ago after my third son was born (yes 3 sons, no daughters ): im heartbroken. And im left here trying to decide if i need to get my tubes untied, keep praying for a miracle, or if God is saying “do the reversal!” We are better off financially than we have ever been. We arent rich, but we can afford another baby… Or 2 😉 lol i just really dont want the tubal reversal. I also suffer from post tubal ligation syndrome! Im so mad that no one told me about this, i hate it. No dr tried to tell me about it either and it angers me even more that drs are unwilling to let this be known that this is a real issue! Im so ready for another baby. I cry each time my period comes… Even though it varys and sometimes comes a week late :/ thanks to this post tubal ligation syndrome. Im heart broken. I want healing for my tubes, and i dont want to have the surgery. Especially because my husband does not want to spend so much to have another baby… I wish it would just happen so we can just not worry about the surgery. Ugh yes this was the BIGGEST regret i have in my life. I regret living my life without God leading me at one point in time… Thats thr biggest, but the next, is definitely getting my tubes tied. Im so sad a lot. I teach my kids and they are my accomplishments. And i just want another one, so that i can share my motherly love with a daughter, perhaps. 🙁
Sorry for all of the mistakes. I got a new phone and it seems to cause me all kinds of grammar mistakes! Its irritating lol sorry!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have 2 kids. Age 8 months and 2. When my son was born in january i regretted having them so close together. I cried at night because he was not a good sleeper. He has yet to sleep through the night. I had my tubes tied in may. Im 23 years old… The last 2 weeks i have been deeply depressed because i have finally allowed myself to admit that i regret it. I regret it so badly. I want more kids! Im a great mom and i cant imagine doing anything else. I made the decision suddenly because i have tried every kind of birth control with bad side effects and i had my tubes tied less than a week later. No one second guessed me. My husband was all for it. And now without thousands of dollars ill never have a kid again… 🙁
Oh Amelia- my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you’re struggling with this.
For me, I know I made the decision based on emotion during a time that was trying. I regret it so much.
I will tell you, pray! God placed a little boy in our lives who was in need of a mother. You and your family will be in my prayers!
I know this is an older article but I came across it. I just had my final son in March 27th, 2018. After 7 living children, 2 miscarriages and a stillborn I made the decision to have a tubal done. My husband expressed 3 kids ago how he wanted no more but he wouldn’t do it! He was awful the entire pregnancy because he really didn’t want him. Now I’m already expressing my emotions and regretted having it done. I can’t stop crying because of the guilt. It’s killing me. I’m enjoying my son but not to the full extent because every little thing will be done before I know it. Definitely my biggest regret! I wish they would have asked me again because I would have said NO! They asked me right after he was born when pain n emotions were high. If they would have asked again it would never have happened..
I’m curious now since its been many years now did you handle it?
My heart goes out to you.
Here is what our story looks like now…
I longed for another child so much. I prayed and prayed for another baby. In November of 2015 the Lord brought a little boy into our lives. We became caregivers for him by way of CPS. In 2016 his baby brother came to live with us and we became his caregiver as well. These boys are now about to be 4 and 2. The Lord has blessed us so much.
Pray about it, friend. The Lord can help you feel complete. He can also bring more children into your life by way of miracles. We are living that miracle now!
I want more kids! Im a great mom and i cant imagine doing anything else. I made the decision suddenly because i have tried every kind of birth control with bad side effects and i had my tubes tied less than a week later. cool browser
God can do anything! We’ve adopted two boys since tying my tubes!