9 Tips To Stop Yelling At Your Kids
As moms we all have moments of weakness.
Moments of distress and an overwhelming need to run for the hills.
Yelling, screaming, and the agony of the headache that follows. You all know what I am talking about.
Raising kids is tough. It can be so difficult at times we struggle at finding all of the right resources or tools to help make things better.
On top of that kids are constantly going through phases and changes. One day you are tying their shoes and giving them big hugs and then before you know it you are just dropping them off with a quick “Goodbye, I love you” because friends are standing around and the jeopardy of their reputation is on the line.
Where does the time go?
So how do we handle these changes and phases without an abundance of weakness or frustration? How do we find calm and make the most of every moment minus the yelling and screaming?
Good news. There are ways. Seriously.
First things first. Do you know what yelling does to your kids? During these moments of weakness in yelling we are probably thinking this will get their attention or that this is a proclamation of the divine stress build-up. Truth is it doesn’t. There are a lot of negatives to yelling to make a point. After all this is motherhood and we are not staking claim to unchartered territory or participating in riot. These are our kids. Believe it or not there are ways of influencing your expectations without even raising your voice.
9 Tips To Stop Yelling At Your Kids
1. Stay aware of yourself. This includes all of the classic signs of becoming angry or frustrated. If you feel yourself getting mad then take a second or a deep breathe before you speak.
2. Check out your expectations. If you are constantly yelling or aggravated at your kids you may expecting too much from them. The idea is to expect from their capability and age.
3. Lead by example. If you don’t want to appear out of control or stressed 24/7 then opt for a calmer mood. If these means desensitizing with a quick walk in the morning or even yoga then commit to a daily routine for yourself that clears your head to tackle the day. If you appear overwhelmed your child feeds on of the negative behavior you exhibit.
4. Develop a strategy. If you have to perform daily tasks that ultimately always end in a parent-child struggle them aim to do these things alone and without a distraction. This reduces stress on you and also creates a better environment for the child.
5. Always give a warning. Warnings often times set the tone for punishment or an advisement of choices. A simple warning advises your child how they are responsible for their own actions.
6. Teach yourself to speak low. Yes this could mean that you whisper at first but really conditioning yourself to speak in a lower tone will ultimately work like any other habit and become a regular routine of approach to your children.
7. Ask for help. That’s right. It is okay to ask for help from others like your spouse or family. This is sometimes the best way to breakdown a really stressful situation.
8. Become a better listener. Sometimes we just don’t take the time to listen before we react. Its totally natural. If your child is trying to explain a situation then allow it without interruption or continued questioning. Do not approach in a condescending manner or apply guilt. This always results in an inappropriate reaction from both you and your child.
9. Don’t be quick to think and speak. Sometimes the woes of motherhood have us reacting off of emotion. We easily take things personally without even thinking about it. Reduce your speed. Slow down and allow some time before reacting to something your child does.
There are ways to be powerful and effective as a parent without yelling. Have tips of your own? Please share.
Effective Parenting Tips:
The Discipline Method I’ve Used for a Decade
Hi Alex,
You are right, yelling at kids could lead to a low self-esteem.
Thanks for the strategies you highlighted, they are actionable.
Cheers
Dan
These are great tips. I’ve been guilty of yelling at my kids on more than one occasion. I think all of us have.
I don’t yell a lot at my son. He is very sensitive, so I try other ways. He does get in trouble and he does get punished. but there are ways other than yelling at them I think.
All very good tips, I think all parents (not just mom’s) should write them down and reread them as the week goes by to help remind ourselves of these things. I always feel bad after “losing it” and screaming at the kids, it does take a lot for me to get there and when it happens I do make a point to apologize and give them all a big hug to show I do love them and do care about their feelings as well.
These are great ideas. No one wants to be “that” kind of parent. Strategy # 7 is an awesome one!
These are all great tips. I am a yeller. I know it and I hate it. I need to learn to relax and breathe before I melt down.
I believe that you should take three deep breaths before you yell. Hard to do, but effective in controlling your temper and refocusing your mind.
These are excellent tips. Giving warnings works wonders for this household as well as listening fully 🙂
I usually don’t yell at my children since they respond better when I speak to them directly. Thanks for sharing your tips.
I have always had a hard time staying calm but have made it a rule that we don’t yell. I always try to walk away to calm down before I let it get to that. When you are yelled at and worse as a kid, you look at it differently with your own. These are great tips!
My kids respond better when I talk to them calmly. I used to yell, but I realized that it’s totally wrong. These are very helpful tips.
Screaming at kids or at anyone, so to speak, won’t help solve any problem. The right thing to do is to raise and explain the points and not the voice.
I love the one to become a better listener. That one is more important than we think.
When I was a new Mo, I used to get easily frustrated and yells a lot. I realized that I was teaching my kids a bad habit so I changed.
I think that the best tip you gave is to wait a moment and try not to speak from emotion. I believe it was Jefferson who said to count to 10 before you speak unless you are angry – then count 100.
These are all great tips. I agree 100% that yelling doesn’t serve a purpose, even though I need to practice to remain calm myself. Thankfully I’m not a parent.
My husband and I are terrible yellers and we need to stop. We have tried in the past, but our son is spoiled from being an only child for 7+ years. We realize we need to be the grown ups, but sometimes he just pushes our buttons. These are great tips and I’m going to share this with my husband.
Many of us have been guilty of this at some point or another, but you’re right. Yelling is not an effective method of punishment. Instead, it can cause low self-esteem and rebellion.
These are really great tips. I don’t yell at all because I do know it’s not good for the kids. Been yelled at when I was a kid and I didn’t like it so I don’t want my son to experience it.
These are great resources, I was never really yelled at as a child and I couldn’t imagine yelling at my (future) children either. Thanks for sharing!
xo Adriana – Daily Dose of Design
These are great tips to stop yelling at your kids. I will have to share this with my friends with little ones.
Sometimes I find myself yelling too much at my daughter. These are great tips to help prevent those situations.
Yelling at kids definitely can be worse on them. I don’t think it works at all and I think it might hurt them more than anything. I try to speak with my daughters instead of yelling at them. I know it helps out a lot more that way.
I don’t have kids but these tips may come in useful one day! Thanks for sharing!
This is awesome information for parents to stop yelling at their kids. It is so important not to give the kids negative attention. We all need a cooling of period before talking to the children.
Our yelling has calmed down more after finding better ways to deal with our sons ASD problems. However occasionally we have to yell from the other room to have him keep hims hands to himself or stop hurting his brother by hugging too hard.
Some of these are great tips..I admit I probably yell more than I should, but we lead a very busy high stress lifestyle so I think the fact that everyone is always a bit wound up probably contributes to that. Doing things to relax and lead a bit calmer life sounds perfect 🙂